30 August 2006
I stopped at Aveda today to pick up more conditioner. The kind I had been
using was called Bixa, named for the tropical shrub that gives the
conditioner a red tinge, and I asked the girl who was working the shop for
"Bee-sha" conditioner. She said, "Oh. Do you mean 'Bix-a'?" in this
really snide way. Stupid Aveda people attempting to make you feel like a
moron for correctly pronouncing a Spanish term.
Posted at 1853.
26 August 2006
Flamin' iPod of Death!!!
My brand-new (2-day-old) iPod wasn't functioning well as a USB drive
today when I was attempting to move a file from my laptop to a desktop at
my office. It twice managed to turn my computer off when I plugged it in,
but the laptop is flaky, so I didn't think too much of it. I tried
plugging it into the desktop at work and got the error message, "Power
Surge on Hub Port. A
USB device has exceeded the power limits of its hub port." Ooooookey
dokey.
I took the iPod down to the computer lab and plugged it into the cheap
little USB hub that's attached to one of the IBMs. I logged in and
attempted to switch to the iPod drive, but then I noticed a distinct
smell: burning plastic. Smoke was pouring out of the USB port that I
plugged the iPod into, so I jerked it out.
Eventually, the smoke stopped,
but I'm guessing the USB hub is caput. I do so love releasing the Magic
Smoke that is held deep within every piece of electronics, but I don't so
much like the fact that the Magic Smoke smell clings to you for the rest
of the day.
Guess it's time to get an RMA from Apple. Jeez.
Posted at 1455.
22 August 2006
For all those of you dying to see what colors I painted the house, check
out
my before-and-after page.
Posted at 1833.
16 August 2006
So Lanacane wrote me back. (See Aug 11 below.) Disappointing. I wrote:
Dear Sirs,
I have recently heard your Lanacane commercial several times on WYXL 97.3
in Ithaca, New York. I am confused by the message, however. It sounds
like an older woman chiding an older man that he should not be scratching
his skin. A voiceover says that as we get older, our skin loses moisture
and gets dry and itchy. We should therefore try Lanacane cream. The
commercial closes with the woman saying, "I haven't seen digging like that
since you put in the petunias" and they laugh.
So my question is... what does that last line mean? If the man has
already tried Lanacane, presumably he has alleviated his itch and is not
"digging" into his skin anymore. Is the woman referring to his past
"digging"? Is she saying he's "digging" his new cream, as in he is
pleased with how it works? Truthfully, it reminds me of a line from Bad
Santa where the title character is chided for "digging in his"
posterior.
At any rate, this commercial has caused me to spend far more brain cells
on figuring out that line than I probably should. Any explanation would
be greatly appreciated.
In response, they say:
Thank you for your e-mail to the experts at Lanacane.com. We welcome all
comments & questions. The reference to digging at the end is referring
to the opening of the commercial where you hear the sound of the
jackhammer.
We appreciate your comments and will report them to our advertising
analysts who conduct extensive testing on consumer opinions. The more
input we have in this area, the better we will be able to serve our
consumers.
Thank you for contacting us.
NOTE: Material provided in this response is provided for information
purposes only. It is not professional advice. Appropriate healthcare
professionals should be consulted with regard to any healthcare issues
of concern or conditions.
A reference to the jackhammer? WTF does that have to do with digging a
bed of petunias? I'm even more confused than I was before. And as an
aside, I think they want the adjectival form: informational purposes.
Dingbats.
Posted at 1839.
Well, no luck getting an NY license. They're not like the NC DMV, which
prints your license on the spot. They're going to mail it in 2-3 weeks.
I have a temporary license (which conveniently doesn't fit into a wallet
slot) until then. Ghetto.
Yesterday, I put the first coat on the
"home theatre" room. I'm convinced, though, that it was a sex dungeon.
There were lots of holes for wall anchors and lots of large plaster
patches in the drywall. It is no longer olive drab and is now classic
khaki.
Posted at 1005.
14 August 2006
Today, I'm going to become a NY resident. This means surrendering
my NC
driver's license, which I'm kind of partial to. I got it 6 years ago,
right after we got back from our honeymoon. I still have long hair, I
weighed a lot more, and I appear to be
rolling my
eyes at the camera. I have a lot of fond memories of that day...
barely passing the NC required written test, the DMV screwing up their
Spanish version of announcements, and the DMV employee not believing that
I don't have black hair. At any rate, I'm exchanging my lovely phallic
lighthouse-watermarked NC
license for
this. At least NY's Latin motto is "Excelsior," which clearly kicks some "Esse quam
videri" ass.
Posted at 1006.
11 August 2006
I finished painting my office yesterday. It's now a lovely chocolate brown
rather than leopard-print. Today I started on our bedroom, and the color I
had chosen was "classic khaki." When I mixed it and poured it into the pan,
it was the color of snot. And since it's a different brand of paint than
I've been using, it was kind of sticky too. That got me thinking... is my
whole "color design scheme" for this house inspired by bodily emissions? I
painted my office feces brown and my bedroom phlegm tan, but it has to stop
there, right? Hardly. The color that I had originally chosen for the office
- which will now be the front door color - Patrick nixed as looking like "you
killed someone in here and smeared their blood on the wall." Great. Shit,
snot, and blood. I have completed the trifecta of terrible taste.
In related news, there's a radio commercial that keeps running on this shitty
lite rock station I've had on while I paint (since my iPod died), and it's
driving me crazy. These two old people are talking, and the woman says to
the guy, "Stop scratching! You'll hurt yourself!" And the guy says, "But my
skin is so dry and itchy." Mr. Voiceover comes on and says, "As we get
older, our skin loses its moisture and gets dry and itchy. Try Lanacane
maximum strength on your itchy skin." The commercial ends with the woman
saying to the man, "I haven't seen digging like that since you put in the
petunias!" and they both chuckle. So my question is... what the
fuck
does that last line mean? Is it:
A. A subtle reference to
Bad
Santa when Marcus says, "You probably shouldn't be diggin' in your ass."
B. Old folks' hilarious attempt to use "hip" language, with the woman
asserting that the man "digs" his new Lanacane cream like he "digs" the
petunias. I think that's an example of hendyadis. Or zeugma. Or tmesis.
I can never remember.
C. It's just a horrible editing job.
Any
other ideas? Seriously, a few people have posted this on "annoying
commercials" message boards, but so far I haven't seen an explanation.
Perhaps I'll write to Lanacane and ask. I'm just bored enough to do so.
Posted at 2033.
9 August 2006
The other day, I had my identity stolen... my IM identity. Normally, I am
extremely careful about using IM on a public machine, but somehow the
public library stored my username and password. Around 11am the next day,
right after the library opened, I logged onto IM from home and got the
"Someone else is signed in as you" error message. So I closed the other
session and was wondering how that had happened when Paul IM'ed me saying,
"Who are you?" After a couple interchanges, I figured out what had
happened. I asked Paul what the impersonator had said:
| Skalestiri | whos this? |
| paul | paul |
| Skalestiri | paul who? |
| paul | Paul Damer. |
|
Weirdo. |
| Skalestiri | y am i a weirdo? |
| paul | "who's this" |
| Skalestiri | idk |
| paul | like calling someone up and asking "who are
you?" |
| Skalestiri | im slow. |
| id get
it |
| paul | thats ok, whats new? are you all moved
out? |
| Skalestiri | whos u? |
| how old r
u? |
| ???????????? |
| r
u gunna answer |
| ????????????????? |
| Kristina | Holy shit! |
| Kristina | That's awesome! |
| Kristina | You had to know that wasn't me. Good lord, I
don't use IM-speak like that. |
| Kristina | Fucking kids. |
| Paul D | I thought maybe your im client had forgotten my
name and just had an ICQ number or something |
| Kristina | And that all my spelling and grammar and
punctuation and professionalism had gone out the window? |
| Paul D | well at first they used proper english |
| Kristina | Yeah, but I capitalize things. :) |
It was like a horribly typed version of Who's On First? Good lord, what
are our nation's youth coming to?
Posted at 0942.
7 August 2006
Part II of: They do
what in upstate New York? It seems most of my
stories involve the grocery store. I was at the Tops today, and I saw a
woman (with a mullet, of course) wearing a
Rockapella t-shirt. I
can almost forgive undergrads who are in an a capella group for wearing
their stupidity on their chests, but Rockapella? Good lord. They weren't
cool since their Carmen Sandiego days. And even then, the
host of the
show was moonlighting on All My Children as a baby-napper. What kind
of mixed message did that send to us kids?
Posted at 1236.
3 August 2006
In this first of a many-part series on local upstate New York color, I was
at the deli counter of Wegmann's grocery store today. I said, "Hi, can I
have a pound of the ham, please?" And the deli clerk replied, "Well, I
suppose you
can" and stood there staring at me. I said, "Uhm,
may I have a pound of ham, please?" He said, "Yes, you may." And
weighed my cold cuts. He asked, "Would you like anything else?" To which
I replied, "Yes, can I -- er,
may I have a pound of provolone too,
please?" He laughed and measured out my cheese. At any rate, I didn't
expect to have my grammar corrected by a deli clerk today. He found it
endlessly amusing, though.
Posted at 1819.
